Intercultural Relations

This weekend I attended a picnic with Beginning Guy, and I got to meet his siblings and niece and nephew. And, I have come to realize that when you bring together two people, you are also bringing together two cultures. Yesterday, I found myself in foreign territory.

I knew we had different upbringings. I knew that his family would be very different from mine, and that he is very different from his family. Let's just say that he has evolved BEYOND some of the less-attractive qualities of his family, at least less attractive to moi. Although I did not get to know his family members very well, I did meet them, and observe their interactions with others, and with my companion. And here I have listed a few family cultural norms.

LANGUAGE: Lots of teasing; shallow talk, coarse joking, lots of physical affection with the kids.

HISTORY: Fraught with failed father, much of male siblings' behavior is because of how they were treated as children.

LAWS: Much more conservative in their thinking. I found myself wondering if they had an option would they actually want me teaching their children? Scary thought.

Another law: FAMILY comes first. This can be a positive quality, as long as it is in its proper balance. And this in his situation, I know it has been out of balance. A lot of pressure. Like my family, in fact. And here, I felt like an outsider for sure. No one made an effort at integrating me into their culture, except perhaps the 10 year old nephew and the elder brother, who stood up at one point from his drum set and yelled, "Hey Kate, I hear you sing! Wanna join us?!" Which I felt was very inclusive and kind.

I suppose I knew most of these, from hearing about them from him, but experiencing them was a different story. Would we be invited to beer bashes and football games? We might be. Will I be the token Hippie Liberal among Political and Religious Conservatives? Perhaps. Here is where I see Boundaries coming into play. The boundaries will be needed between the two of us and each of our families for sure; my family is not much easier to abide.

After that exhausting day, it was so comforting to come back to my place, to hold his hand and watch a movie and laugh. And to think how grateful I am that I am dating him and not his family.

Or, am I?