Purple Jelly Boundaries

So, as you may have read in one of my recent posts, I was hitting some uncertainty about the current guy I am dating. And, while I am still in the blended stages of Attraction/Uncertainty, I have taken some steps to help me move into a place where I feel more safe, more cared for, more well-oxygenated. There is a little thing called Boundaries that I have learned about during this past year. Something I never knew a whole lot about, and something that felt cold and like a hard, metal, barbed wire barrier. My boundaries are pink, and cheerful, and healthy and made of bouncy, spongy material. If you hit one, you will know that you have hit it, but you won't be too scarred. The thing that helped me through the obsessiveness about being uncertain about this guy (who is so great, by the way, and so worth all of this...at least so far he has been!) has been to figure out some boundaries (pink, jelly-filled and smelling of roses and lavender) that will give me some room to breathe. In the past, I always was honest with the guys. And that is great. As in, "I had a great time kissing you last night but then I woke up this morning and had a panic attack." And I have always dated very nice, polite guys. But I always, always assumed that it was just ME. That I just GOT anxious a month into the relationship. What I learned this time around was that I had OPTIONS. I didn't have to feel crazy. I could be honest, yes, but also DO something about it. So, I set up boundaries. And he was understanding and even obliging, though I know it was hard for both of us. The thing was, I was feeling smothered; too much too fast. And so, the pink and purple jelly-filled walls went up, and for a week, we both stood behind them, on tip-toes, seeing what the other person might do. And the funny thing was, I like the boundaries, but I also started liking HIM more. I suddenly missed him. I wanted to be with him. I wanted the weekend to come as soon as possible so I could see him. One boundary was no hanging out on weeknights in order to respect my need to adjust to a new job. Another one was less phone-chatting. I am not big into the phone; never have been. Well, excepting the inevitable junior high telephone-pasted-to-the-ear epidemic. He lived five miles from me. Why shouldn't we be sitting across from each other talking. But, after telling him this, I inevitably wanted to talk to him. I called him every night last week. And though I was afraid he would think me as much of a flake as I felt I was, he was mostly just very glad I called.